winter is not necessarily the time to analyse your life choices
why couldn’t I just be like a normal person who is happy when they’re supposed to be happy? | The Muse Letter No. 168
It’s the last week of my artist residency in Mallorca and I feel like a failure. I go for a walk in the morning, the air is cool and you can’t see far because of the fog and earlier I wrote FUCK EVERYONE in my notebook under the question “Why am I so mad?” and it’s hard to reconcile my feelings with my environment as the sun is slowly rising over the hill: it doesn’t make sense and yet it makes all the sense in the world because this is not the first time that I feel like this on a day where I should feel at ease and be grateful and I’m not.
The last time I felt like this, it was my birthday and my then boyfriend had woken me up with a cake from the Sicilian bakery that I loved so much and we were going to a spa and for some reason I just started crying and we started fighting and the uber driver who took us to the spa probably thought “wow this is one sad motherfucka” and “they should probably break up” and then I was lying on the table, face down and the massage therapist did a real…