What Makes Us Stay
3 Year Anniversary xx | The Muse Letter No. 122
The first rain of May is falling on my face as I walk home, a bunch of peonies in one hand, umbrella in the other. There’s an old German belief that to dance in the first drops of May brings prosperity and beauty. I swing my umbrella to the side and do a little twirl. Four years ago, I arrived on an overnight ferry, entering the mouth of the Tyne, random people waving as we landed on the shore. Now, it’s May again. And so much has changed.
I have a very flimsy concept of time. I’ve always been like that. Years in general feel like months to me, perhaps weeks even. It is practically all the same in my head. When people say I’m still young and have time, I don’t feel that to be true. It is absolutely nebulous to me how things happen in my life, when they begin, when they end. How anything ever continues or grows. I’m not quite sure why that is.
It is only when I go through a perceived future time that I realise how long things take. I have to actually feel it. Then again…