Life: Not Exactly What I Had In Mind
The Muse Letter No. 167
I always wanted to be a young mother. I had this idea of getting pregnant in my early 20s and living a bohemian life in a camper van travelling around Europe. Barefoot, raspberries on fingertips, fairy lights and flowers in my hair: you get the idea. I wanted a family but in an unconventional way, I wanted life to happen to me. And then I travelled and lived in different cities every year and had boyfriends who never wanted to be fathers but in my 20s that didn’t seem to matter so much. I guess I forgot to tell anyone else about my plan.
I guess I didn’t want to jinx it. Or more truthfully: I guess it just didn’t happen.
A few weeks ago my older sister visited me with her family for a week. In many ways she is having the life that I wanted: she got married in her mid twenties, had two children subsequently and lives in an old house with a fireplace and wood beams. Over a glass of wine I tell her how much I admire the choices that she made, how she chose a really …