In Case You Feel Like Your Life Amounts To Nothing – Letter in an Emergency
The Muse Letter No. 98
I feel so empty and tired and I really don’t want to finish or work on this novel anymore. I feel no spark it is just work all the time. It is so fucking hard. Why am I doing this to myself? I am just promising myself that one day it will be there when in reality it is yet another year I have not done it and this new deadline is just another dangling carrot I will not reach. I should just quit it and move on to other things. It’s a loveless marriage. I want to get a divorce.
Is what I wrote this morning in my note app because I was stuck with a scene, I am still stuck with and I hated everything and there was this tension, this ball of energy nervously rummaging through my chest like a dog digging a hole in the sand and nothing would come out. I would stare at the seedlings I had sown a couple of weeks ago on the windowsill next to me and think: How great it must be to have a plan. To just know when to sprout and break through the soil and grow, grow, …