I want to look at the weather but instead I look at Instagram

The Muse Letter No. 192

I want to look at the weather, but instead I look at Instagram.

I close the app. Fuck. Again. I open the weather app. I forget what I want. I open Instagram and watch a video about starving people in Gaza; a friend showing her outfits; a comedian talking about Trump. I forget what I want. I close the app.

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I need to tell my flatmate that she cannot flush flushable wipes regardless of how many times the packaging tries to persuade her otherwise. A reel tells me so. I forget what I want. I make a note. So I don’t forget. I check the packaging. I look at Instagram. I forget what I want. On the front it says: Biodegradable. On the back it says: Do Not Flush.

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I wake up at 3:42. My phone tells me. I look at reels. I forget what I want. I open my emails. I forget what I want. I look at reels. I forget what I want. It’s 4:56 when I put it back on the nightstand.

The next day I will pick up my phone 135 times. My average screen time is: 4h 29 min.

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I tell my friends: I am working for Instagram.

But I am not being paid.

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I write in my journal: The problem with social media addiction or any addiction really is that there is no slow fade, no balance, the only way to cure addiction is to cut it out completely.

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Everything feels fragmented, disconnected, unreal.

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I log off Instagram.

It’s been 25 days since.

My screen time now is: 1h 23.

This is how it happened.

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