End of Year Brain – Rien Ne Va Plus
The Muse Letter No. 80
Everything has to be done –
nothing should be done.
I’m having end of year brain as I sit on the bus watching the masses of cues morphing into very hungry caterpillars, slowly meandering on the pavements. A friend is texting me if we could meet for coffee before Christmas, before the year ends, before, before. Before is the chorus I have been hearing in the past week almost every day.
“Wanna go for a walk before christmas?” “Can we see each other before the year ends?” I have a group chat with 2 people that has been going on for over a week now where we are trying to meet for ice skating which we terminated now and postponed to the new year because: Rien ne va plus baby. And I still haven’t bought my Christmas gifts.
I am always utterly unprepared for the holiday season but this year it’s especially bad. Even though it started quite well with a nice burst of energy at the beginning of December, I was absolutely determined to suddenly reach all the goals, do all the things and fire it all out till the 21st of December, Winter solstice and my personal marker to go into hibernation, I blamed it on sagittarius season, you know: go big or go home and for a while I totally ate it all up.
– But now I’m tense. Because I can’t relax. And I haven’t baked any cookies yet or made the scented candles that I’ve been having on my list since the end of November. And I haven’t made a Christmas wreath with four candles, one to light every Sunday as we do in Germany and the chocolate advent calendar I bought hastily because there was no other option and it was already the first of December is from Cadbury and sorry that’s not great chocolate and the design looks awful. The only thing I have done so far is hot chocolate with baileys one Sunday morning while I was decorating the tree, cause at least the tree is happening.