Cold Water

The Muse Letter No. 123

The following is an excerpt from my poetic memoir Things I Have Loved – A collection (sort of) published in February this year.

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The Notebook, 2004

COLD WATER

“If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves. You can gain more control over your life by paying closer attention to the little things.” Emily Dickinson once said.

It’s been 12 days since I started to wake up in the morning, study the tide chart and decide when to walk to the beach, and immerse myself in the cold, very cold waters of Portobello bay.

12 days of just doing it, without huge effort, just trusting that it will somehow help, not questioning it. It’s easy: the beach is 3 minutes away, I just go in my bathing suit, in and out, done.

I still cry every day. Unfortunately one cannot freeze emotions.

But I don’t question that either. I let it be, let the emotion like waves wash over, let them startle me from time to time, feel them rising up, especially when I catch myself thinking: I’m definitely done with the crying.

– I am so not.

Unfortunately, there is no tide chart for a broken heart. No estimation, but some clues, hopes, wishes.

I want to believe that it will heal itself if I let it. If I create the space, if I take care of the little things, like showing up for myself, not reacting to every stimulus but pausing, and in doing so, creating options.

Because I do. You do. We all have options all the time but we’re so stuck in habitual behaviour that we miss out on them. Only afterwards there is a hint, a glimmer, that things could have been done differently. If we had only waited a second and listened to ourselves.

“You can’t read the label when you’re in the jar,” a friend of mine said to me a couple of weeks ago. Well, the jar is broken now. So fuck the jar anyway.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that: leave the big picture for a moment. Concentrate on yourself. How are you sitting? Is your breathing shallow? Are you clenching your jaw? Are you tired? Hungry? Bored? Inspired? What do you really want to do right now?

Stop thinking of the endgame, the goal. Do you notice the little things that need your attention? The little stepping stones that will take you across the ocean?

Excerpt from Things I Have Loved – A collection (sort of) published February 2023.

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SHOP

"Things I Have Loved" the second book of the poetic memoir trilogy

If "Things I Have Noticed" was about growing up and finding yourself "Things I Have Loved" is about the things that were gained/missed/lost along the way.

Told through objects Hembeck has loved, she is weaving a narrative that examines the themes of love, longing and self-worth.

By diving deep into memories of her own life, pop-culture and (lost) objects she is getting to the core of how we love and why.

Fancy decorating your room for spring?

I just released six riso art prints in my shop. Have a look!

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THE MUSE LETTER TURNS 3 THIS MONTH AND AS A THANK YOU IT’S:

• 30% off on paid subscriptions get full access to all paywalled-content, the archives, extra perks and so much gratitude

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