Honestly, August was wild. A total shedding. I lost a boyfriend, a huge chance and my health for a while. Everything that didn’t work is gone now. “…they say August brings bad luck. But September would arrive one day like an exit.” And I am ready to take it.
I’m ready to immerse myself in the hare that is rising from the ocean and encompassing the city in a white cloud, the castle, the buildings all hidden in the midst. The last flowers from my garden are drying in a vase on my dressing table, the winter duvet covering my legs in the afternoon, the light is tilting slowly, it’s asking to take it down a notch, to bend a little sideways.
Edinburgh does not know how to do summer but oh, it is ready for autumn.
Things I Look Forward to this Autumn:
going to the cinema and letting myself slip into another world whilst holding a hot bag of popcorn and that strange feeling after the credits roll and stepping into an early autumn evening somewhat grappling with coming back to reality
reading all the books on my nightstand: Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, Alphabetical Diaries by Sheila Heti, Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer, Memories by Teffi, Outline by Rachel Cusk and remembering how much I love to read and how much it calms me down and how much better I feel afterwards
visiting Berlin for a week to see friends and read from my new book at Odradek Books and talk about change and how difficult it is to elicit
examine my wardrobe and have a complete style makeover because I have been wearing the same clothes for over a decade now and I don’t think I am that person anymore
deleting bumble for a while and experience life on my own terms, unencumbered
use the word unencumbered more often and make space for it every day
warm milk rice apparently also known as german rice pudding with homemade apple sauce and cinnamon and whisper magic spells while slow cooking it on the stove
watching all the autumn classics: When Harry met Sally, Practical Magic and Gilmore Girls
opening the windows in the morning letting the cool air in, burning incense on the window sill, a cup of tea in hand and the feeling that everything is changing again for the better
And in case you missed it last week xx
I have launched a Kickstarter to fund the printing of my third book:
The Final Book of the Poetic Memoir Trilogy
A homage to change, why we don‘t want to and how life will make you.
About the book
Things I Have Changed – That Are Different Now
When I started writing about my own life, searching for myself ("Things I Have Noticed," 2020) and for my self-worth ("Things I Have Loved," 2023), this book dedicated to self-narration ("Things I Have Changed") had actually already begun long before. It is a collage of all the blind spots and omissions, the things I couldn't or wouldn't see over the years. It is about the things I don't want to write about: my mother, money, control, obsessive thoughts, fear. – But must.
I started this book in the belief that I could write about change, that I could excavate what constitutes transformation, to understand “the process” and figure out how to trust it along the way. Yet I am finding myself in a constant shift of what feels like performing open heart surgery on myself, trying to explain, whilst understanding, whilst doing. Amidst the constant blind spots sprouting every time I choose a perspective, I lose another. There’s always something. In many ways this book snuck its way onto the page, as if remembering a faint dream in the morning, barely feeling its presence. And then later through the day suddenly rushing in, with all its vividness into the forefront of my mind. It was all there – all real.
So I guess in the end this book is not exactly about change but about being alive in one body, one existence, moving forward.
– No wonder I am struggling.
What is the Kickstarter for?
£5000 is the minimum budget that will ensure a first round of printing high-qualitiy softcover books, hiring a professional editor to finalise the book and creating a marketing campaign to get the word out.
There’s a line I often think of by the German poet Hilde Domin that translated goes something like this:
I put my foot in the air. And it carried me.
(Ich setzte den Fuss in die Luft. Und sie trug.)
Four years ago I started writing a book that literally changed my life: Things I Have Noticed – Essays on leaving/searching/finding. It started with an idea to create a zine, that quickly turned into a full collection and Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign to publish it. Since then I sold thousand of copies, found homes in indie bookshops, was invited to readings, wrote and published the second book Things I Have Loved – A collection (sort of) – but most of all I understood that you don’t need a publisher or an agent to reach people with your writing.
That it’s a special honour to create a book from start to finish, to design the cover, to illustrate it, to be in charge of how it is presented and find its own niche. To create something that feels like a Gesamtkunstwerk – an object that is conceptually, visually, inherently in the way that it is made: art in itself.
That it’s not just about the process of writing a book but also the way it comes into the world: supported by people who believe in my vision, who trust that I can do it all on my own.
Now, the circle is coming to a close.
What is a Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign?
I believe a Kickstarter is a way to proof an idea. It’s a way for people to support independent artists. To create work that is different, new and exciting.
But mostly it is 6 weeks of me, pressing the refresh button every ten minutes and hoping that I make the targeted budget, because if not: no money will be transferred. Kickstarter has an all-or-nothing approach, you only get the money if you reach your goal. If you do not reach the goal within the set time frame, all backers get their money back and the project will not happen.
So, I love your writing and I want to support you, what can I do?
Make a pledge as soon as possible. The more people pledge in the beginning the higher the chances are that we will actually reach the target.
Tell your friends about the Kickstarter and/or make a post on social media and show other people that you've made a pledge to encourage them.
The Promise
"Things I Have Changed" will be the third and final book of the poetic memoir trilogy I started in 2020. The collection is nearly finished but will need to go through a round of editing. Just like the first two books it will be illustrated with my own visual artwork. The artwork for the book is currently in the idea stage.
As a backer you will witness the creative process up close and I will give frequent updates on how it's going.
Approx. publishing date: Spring 2025
Approx. pages: 200
Paperback: softcover
SHIPPING Please note: We will be shipping all rewards national and internationally, with duty and tax prepaid. So you don't have to worry about customs at all.